Yesterday marked exactly two weeks until our wedding, but I think I’m more looking forward to two weeks from today, when the wedding will be over and done with.
Call me not-old-fashioned-at-all, but I really despise this whole wedding planning business, and kind of hate being a bride. I’m doing my best to focus on the good – Chuck and I are hosting a nice ceremony and reception at a winery that our family and friends are flying out for, many of whom I haven’t seen since I moved to the east coast. I’ve missed the active social life I used to have, so seeing all my old friends will be worth the pain of planning this thing in the first place.
That said… I really hate what the modern wedding industry has become. Why are we all expected to turn into bridezillas?
In my mind, the worst part about being a bride has been dealing with the ridiculous expectations of certain family members (current and future.) I’m talking about comments ranging from how I must have been waiting my whole life for “my big day” to condescending remarks on how I’ve finally accomplished something (!) to ridiculous questions about whether I “finally” feel like a woman. (!!) Okay, maybe I’d be able to stomach this better if I were getting married much younger and had no aspirations outside of being someone’s wife. But for a woman who was the first person in her family to graduate from college, the first to go to graduate school, was an officer in the Navy for ten years, flew in combat flights during the war, worked all over Asia as an intelligence officer, and was able to see a good chunk of the world using money she earned on her own? All this talk of “finally” accomplishing something by getting married is pretty insulting. No, I wasn’t just sitting around since grade school waiting for Prince Charming. I was busy enjoying my life and being a badass, and I’ve never regretted a thing.
The best part is that these comments are coming from the same people who derided me for my life choices while I was single. Some expressed concern that I would “die alone” because as we all know, it doesn’t matter how many friends a person has if she doesn’t have a MAN to go along with them, right? Flash forward to now, and of course they’re acting like my waiting for the right time and person to marry was all their idea. Many times I’ve had to resist the urge to shout, “Are you kidding me?! You’ve been belittling me for my entire adult life for not getting married! You don’t get to act like you’re now proud!” I have to constantly remind myself of everything I’ve accomplished, much of which wouldn’t have been possible if I’d married right out of school. Most importantly, I try to think of how miserable I would have been had I lived that life instead. Many of my high school friends settled down a while ago and now have beautiful children and are happy being homebodies, and I’m happy for them. It’s just not what I’ve ever wanted for myself, and shame on those who would try to make someone feel bad about that.
Oh, well. Perhaps this is just me being a bridezilla in my own way, by being extra-sensitive to comments that I’m normally able to shrug off without a second thought. After all, people are always going to have opinions about your life choices, so there’s no point in dwelling on them. I’m doing my best to stay grounded and focus on my fiance (who has been very patient with me and my private outbursts about all these silly comments) and on my friends who are coming to the wedding. Many of them are young professionals like us, having either married later or not settled down yet, and don’t feel the least bit guilty about it. In the end, it’s really not about the drama or anything else, but a really awesome party with great friends, great music, and lots of great wine.
**This is the first in what will probably be a series of rants over the next couple weeks about the ridiculousness of wedding planning. What’s the point in dealing with wedding drama if you can’t make fun of it all?