Perils of the modern bride

Yesterday marked exactly two weeks until our wedding, but I think I’m more looking forward to two weeks from today, when the wedding will be over and done with.

Is it over yet?

Is it over yet?

Call me not-old-fashioned-at-all, but I really despise this whole wedding planning business, and kind of hate being a bride. I’m doing my best to focus on the good – Chuck and I are hosting a nice ceremony and reception at a winery that our family and friends are flying out for, many of whom I haven’t seen since I moved to the east coast. I’ve missed the active social life I used to have, so seeing all my old friends will be worth the pain of planning this thing in the first place.

That said… I really hate what the modern wedding industry has become. Why are we all expected to turn into bridezillas?

I blame those stupid reality shows like "Say Yes to the Dress," which emphasize bridezilla-types. No, not every bride has been dreaming of the "perfect" wedding day since she was four, so please stop asking.

I blame those stupid reality shows like “Say Yes to the Dress,” which emphasize screaming bridezilla-types. No, not every bride has been dreaming of her wedding day since she was four, so please just stop with the “princess” remarks.

In my mind, the worst part about being a bride has been dealing with the ridiculous expectations of certain family members (current and future.) I’m talking about comments ranging from how I must have been waiting my whole life for “my big day” to condescending remarks on how I’ve finally accomplished something (!) to ridiculous questions about whether I “finally” feel like a woman. (!!) Okay, maybe I’d be able to stomach this better if I were getting married much younger and had no aspirations outside of being someone’s wife. But for a woman who was the first person in her family to graduate from college, the first to go to graduate school, was an officer in the Navy for ten years, flew in combat flights during the war, worked all over Asia as an intelligence officer, and was able to see a good chunk of the world using money she earned on her own? All this talk of “finally” accomplishing something by getting married is pretty insulting. No, I wasn’t just sitting around since grade school waiting for Prince Charming. I was busy enjoying my life and being a badass, and I’ve never regretted a thing.

I couldn't have said it better myself

I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Surely in this day and age, there are plenty of career-focused women who have better things to do than dream about Pinterest weddings?

The best part is that these comments are coming from the same people who derided me for my life choices while I was single. Some expressed concern that I would “die alone” because as we all know, it doesn’t matter how many friends a person has if she doesn’t have a MAN to go along with them, right? Flash forward to now, and of course they’re acting like my waiting for the right time and person to marry was all their idea. Many times I’ve had to resist the urge to shout, “Are you kidding me?! You’ve been belittling me for my entire adult life for not getting married! You don’t get to act like you’re now proud!” I have to constantly remind myself of everything I’ve accomplished, much of which wouldn’t have been possible if I’d married right out of school. Most importantly, I try to think of how miserable I would have been had I lived that life instead. Many of my high school friends settled down a while ago and now have beautiful children and are happy being homebodies, and I’m happy for them. It’s just not what I’ve ever wanted for myself, and shame on those who would try to make someone feel bad about that.



Oh, well. Perhaps this is just me being a bridezilla in my own way, by being extra-sensitive to comments that I’m normally able to shrug off without a second thought. After all, people are always going to have opinions about your life choices, so there’s no point in dwelling on them. I’m doing my best to stay grounded and focus on my fiance (who has been very patient with me and my private outbursts about all these silly comments) and on my friends who are coming to the wedding. Many of them are young professionals like us, having either married later or not settled down yet, and don’t feel the least bit guilty about it. In the end, it’s really not about the drama or anything else, but a really awesome party with great friends, great music, and lots of great wine.

Just drink and be happy, dammit!

Just drink and be happy, dammit!

**This is the first in what will probably be a series of rants over the next couple weeks about the ridiculousness of wedding planning. What’s the point in dealing with wedding drama if you can’t make fun of it all?


4 thoughts on “Perils of the modern bride

  1. I can so relate to your post!
    It seemed everyone else was more interested and absorbed in my wedding than I was! At the end of the day, the wedding is just one day in your life. A great party and a lovely dress. I think the point of it all gets lost along the way with the hype of all the other stuff!
    If you think the wedding pressure is bad, just wait until you get the “When are you going to have a baby?” and then when you have one “When are you going to have the next baby?? – Oh you can’t just have one!! How could you be so cruel to have an only child…!”


    • Oh yeah, I’m not looking forward to that part although I know it’s coming! At a friend’s wedding I went to last year, people asked the couple about babies nonstop at the reception. I think it was even mentioned in one of the toasts! Weddings (and pregnancies, I think) bring out the weirdness in people.


  2. Pingback: Reboot | The Skeptical Sailor

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